Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Become the compassionate leader of your internal system.
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence-based therapy that helps people better understand themselves by recognizing that we all have different “parts” of us. You may have noticed this in your own life—one part of you may want to take risks, while another wants to play it safe, or one part wants to avoid a certain person or place while another fears disappointing people. IFS seeks to understand what helpful reason these parts showed up in the past and see if these parts are still helpful today or if they may be harming us now.At the center of every person is what IFS calls the Self. The Self is not another part—it is you that was present 20 years ago, 10 years ago, present and future. The Self is marked by calm, curious, creative, clear, connected, compassionate, confident, and courageous. If anger/fear/sadness/shame is present then we are no longer calm, curious, compassionate and courageous. We are most likely blended with a part. When we are connected to our Self, we are better able to respond to life’s challenges with curiosity instead of fear, confidence instead of shame, and compassion instead of criticism. The goal of IFS is not to eliminate parts of you, but to help your Self become the compassionate leader of your internal system.
IFS describes three main types of parts:
- Managers are proactive protectors. They try to stay one step ahead of emotional pain by helping you stay in control. They may show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, overthinking, excessive planning, self-criticism, or constantly striving to achieve. While these strategies may have once been helpful, they can also lead to anxiety, burnout, or feeling like you can never relax.
- Firefighters step in when emotional pain breaks through despite the Managers’ efforts. Their goal is to quickly extinguish overwhelming emotions, often by helping you escape or numb the pain. They may lead to behaviors such as emotional eating, excessive scrolling, substance use, impulsive spending, anger outbursts, or other attempts to avoid emotional distress. Although these behaviors can create new problems, firefighters are trying to protect you from emotional overwhelm.
- Exiles are the parts of us that carry emotional wounds from painful experiences, such as rejection, abandonment, neglect, trauma, shame, or loss. Because these emotions from exiles can feel so overwhelming, Protectors work hard to keep Exiles hidden from awareness. Protectors may avoid the place where you first experienced the pain, lash out in anger on the wrong person, or criticize others when embarrassed. These exiled parts are not broken—they simply need compassion, healing, and care.
How IFS Helps
Rather than fighting against your thoughts, emotions, or behaviors, IFS helps you understand them with curiosity and compassion. As you build a relationship with your parts from the perspective of your Self, your Protectors no longer have to work so hard, and your Exiles can start to experience healing. Over time, this can reduce anxiety, depression, shame, trauma symptoms, relationship difficulties, and emotional overwhelm while helping you experience greater confidence, inner peace, and self-compassion. IFS teaches that every part of you has a purpose, and no part is inherently bad, they were most likely helpful at one point! Healing comes not from getting rid of parts of yourself, but from understanding them, caring for them, and allowing your Self to lead.
Practitioners:
- Dave Swanston
Learn to lead your internal system
Reach out when you’re ready. We’d be honored to walk alongside you.
